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I Choose Love.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

I fall in love every single day. Sometimes more than once. I fall in love with humans, experiences, feelings, nature, anything with substance and good vibes really. I fall in love hard and fast. No one is surprised any more when I tell them I’ve fallen in love. Typical Amanda. I absolutely honour this part of myself even though others may think it’s silly or foolish because I could very well get hurt, and often times there is some sadness and heartbreak involved. But this will never stop me.

As I was sitting on a bus from North Shore down to Honolulu to catch our flight home, my best friend and I got deep into life and everything we had experienced on the trip. I found myself giving this metaphor of how I’m starting to see things and it really struck a cord; love is like playing in the ocean. It’s warm, fun, blissful, exciting and amazingly beautiful in the moments when you’re bouncing and floating around like a wild child. Nothing can touch you. Your inner being is set free and it’s loving every single second of it. The world melts away and it’s just you and the waves.

But then that monster wave creeps out of nowhere and crashes into you, sending you tumbling and rolling along the bottom of the ocean. You scratch yourself on the sand, get salt water in your eyes and up your nose; it can be excruciating. There will be bruises or scrapes, maybe even scars that last a lifetime and you’re hurt. Hurt so bad you don’t want to move. You just want to sit there and cry.

The beauty is you know these wounds will fade. You know you will stand again and you will heal. But even though we know this, as we grow up, we guard ourselves. We start to wear life jackets and goggles. We sit on boats or floaties to avoid this. Or we just straight up don’t get back in the water. We sit on the sidelines because we don’t want to get hurt again. We watch others frolic in the sun and splash in the waves of life; enjoying every single second of their abandon. But here we are just putting our toes in the water so as not to expose ourselves again.

Screw that. I’m diving into that ocean headfirst every single time. I’ve played the victim, I’ve been bitter and jaded because love hurts and experience can be cruel but I have learned so much. I have learned to love the deepest, darkest, craziest parts of my being and that right there is worth every single scratch, bruise and scar. I want to enter a relationship the way a child, myself included, enters the sea; running full tilt and diving in just as the waves crash over you and everything becomes exciting and exhilarating. I want to dive into the depths of people’s oceans and know them on the deepest, most intimate level I can.

Let’s learn from each other, let’s grow together and get real and raw. Let’s have conversations that are as vast and complex as the rolling sea. Let’s let the waves and turmoil of a storm wash over us and challenge us so that we come out on the other side stronger and more courageous than ever. Let’s love hard, be real and allow vulnerability to light the path to our deepest desires.

Be well & Live loud, Amanda

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